Seasons


"A time for every purpose, under Heaven." 



 Today is bittersweet. After a year working at CRA, a school in south Orange County, I will be leaving. A year is a short time relative to many things but in this past year I have experienced grown in manifold ways. Never before have I loved my job quite as much as I did at CRA. Of course there were some things I didn't like, because it's still a job, yet the joyous silly memories of working alongside a great team and shaping young minds and souls far outweighs the bad. 


It's very difficult to explain to sweet young children why I am leaving. "Why are you leaving us Ms. Jen?"  With little to no understanding of economics or the housing market in OC, and even less about personal development and growth in a career, it can seem cruel to tell precious folks that you're moving on. 

The anxiety I am feeling about not only starting a new job, but leaving one where I have so much impact has kept me up at night. Not usually my thing. Not to brag, but I am a fantastic sleeper, many a night Robbie has tossed and turned in bed while his beautiful wife is dreaming and drooling next to him. 

So, what is my commentary or thoughts on this process? 

I am not sure. I think I am having to learn to sit and feel discomfort which is an emotion I rarely let myself feel. 

Generally speaking I have left gigs at their natural end, or I left jobs I honestly did not care for so much. Leaving a school in the middle of the year feels shameful somehow and I am having to sit in the pain and discomfort of this truth and let the gospel do it's work on me. 

Telling me I am not to feel shame, I don't have to beat myself up, and I don't have to feel anguish constantly. 

But I do have to be patient..... 

__________



In recent days the Hillsong hymn 'Seasons' has moved me and been a guide when I feel like I am blindly moving through this transition:

"If all I know of harvest
Is that it’s worth my patience
 Then if You’re not done working
God I’m not done waiting
You can see my promise
Even in the winter
Cause You’re the God of greatness
Even in a manger
For all I know of seasons
Is that You take Your time
You could have saved us in a second
Instead You sent a child"

I think this song is supposed to be Christmas tune about the birth of our savior but the message it holds spreads much wider: God sent his son as a child, in time and with patience his purpose was fulfilled.

March 21st ushered in the new season, spring has come and new life with it. Gone is the cold and dead winter, earth is ready to produce and bring forth gifts. It is a time for planning and planting, to set intentions for your garden, to inspect the result of many months of neglect. This is a changing of seasons for me, a time to pull back and inspect in a wider frame. To look at what I value, what I want to support and nurture, in myself and in other aspects of my life, and what I want my future to look like. Starting a new job is a fresh coat of paint, an unused journal, a fresh manicure that makes you feel alive and awakened after a dry spell.

Today as I spend my last day at CRA I want to be grounded and planted there - finishing well, but I cannot deny the excitement I feel about starting a new path on Monday. I feel as if I am living out the Kingdom Theology principle of the "now but not yet."

So now, today I will enjoy the day with the wonderful folks, big and small, all around me, but I will also look into the future with excitement knowing that changing of seasons is a reason to rejoice.

__________


Monday I start at W+R Studios in Huntington Beach. I will be taking on a new role there as Event Coordinator. Luckily for me I already know many of my co-workers and even share a bed with one. Robbie has been with W+R for almost two years now!


Today I am telling myself "Wherever you are at, whatever you are feeling, God will meet you there. In the now, but not yet. In the shame, in the pain. God's love has no prerequisites and no filter. You are worthy of his love and now is the perfect time to turn, turn, turn." 



Jen